I hate NYC! (but...)

I hate NYC, it's true. After 12 years in this City, I am D-O-N-E. However, just because I'm done doesn't mean we're done -- my husband has more work to do before he can move, we have to sell our apartment, get new jobs somewhere else, and....there is a lot to do.

I've been reflecting on my move to NYC in 1998: it seemed so much simpler coming to NYC than leaving it -- we grabbed a UHAUL, loaded up my thrift store furniture, two good friends -- choosing our music in the uhaul and who was buying the cigarettes was the biggest points of contention back then. It was hard but it was easy. Leaving, however, feels seriously hard, and utterly adult. We've woven a very intricate web of friends, work, contacts, home, volunteer groups, committees -- it seems near impossible to just leave...

Last night, I was chatting with dear ole Johnny Brilliant, who is named "Brilliant" because of his sparkle, but also, he's quite brilliant. Johnny Brilliant assured me that hating NYC was absolutely key to understanding and appreciating this City fully -- you must love it, OR you must hate it. People that have hoe hum feelings about NYC don't get it at all. The key is to recognize with the hate, there is the flip: there is the love that has made me stay here for so much longer than I intended...

With the recognition that I hate NYC (and it's only serving to make me miserable) I've woken up with a resolution to remind myself about the reasons that, for so long, I loved this City: the small neighborhood shops, my bike, my hip hop dance class, my CSA, cooking, visiting friends, the events, the culture, the diversity -- while I've cursed some things of late (like the eternal rain that keeps me from biking, my number one love and transportation through the City...), I need to suck it up and simply be grateful for what I do have in this insane City: a home, a husband, clients, and amazing friends. I'm here for a bit longer, and I have the choice to love NYC or to hate NYC. Both of those feelings are alive and well right now, but for the sake of getting through this time, I need a little more I LOVE NYC in my life. Starting NOW.